Neglected Feelings
by Distant Voice
Summary: .:One-Shot:. Botan's POV on how she loved a certain fire demon but was not loved back... It's a little bit depressing.


**Neglected Feelings**  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
"This is so silly."  
  
I had tried to forget him, but... I laughed at my own stupidity. I thought it was just a little, one-time crush. But I was wrong. It never went away. How much I have wished that it would disappear, then I won't bear the emotional pain anymore... but it never did.  
  
The picture in my hand seemed like a burden to me. It was taken after the Dark Tournament. Everyone was in it, including him. He looked impatient and annoyed in the picture. He always looked like that. Honestly, I've never seen him smiling genuinely, not even once. And we had to bribe him with ice cream to take the picture...  
  
I don't know when or how I had begun to grow fond of him. Every time I walk pass him, the feeling inside of me grows stronger and stronger. Maybe it was because the caring he showed for his sister. She was the only he ever cared for. I was jealous of her. Of course I'm just a "nobody" in his eyes. Why didn't I see that before? Then perhaps I won't fall in love with him...  
  
"Onna..." That was the name he always addressed me by whenever speaks to me, which doesn't happen too often. I wasn't too happy about it though. I must be very unimportant in his eyes that he even forgets my real name. I never thought I would miss this dumb "nickname" as much as I do now... when he is gone.  
  
How long have I been shedding my tears? I have no idea. Oh, how much I have wished that I'd never fall in love with him!  
  
On the day, when I heard about Kurama returned to Ningenkai from Makai, I had pleaded Koenma so many times to go to Ningenkai. I even flew fifty times in a day to get my ferrying job done so that I can get to Genkai's temple early. But what I did was in vain. He never came back. I restrained the urge of asking Kurama about him. I have never felt so lonely, and left out.  
  
When we were on the beach, Yusuke came back, much to all of our surprise. All of us snickered when Keiko and he kissed. It was a funny sight when both of them were blushing madly. I felt happy about those two, yet I felt sad for some reason. He didn't come back...  
  
Then I had to go back to Reikai due to the loads of works that are left undone, no matter how I wanted it otherwise. For a while, I was even upset at Koenma for leaving the temple earlier than I intended. What's the point? I'll never be able to see him again. Who knows? Maybe he is in another woman's arms right now...  
  
I remembered every time I tried to help him when he was injured, he would always push me away. It hurt me a lot. I felt completely helpless. He doesn't even care about me... Stupid, stupid me, I just don't seem to get it. He only got more annoyed when I attempted to help him more.  
  
Crying won't do me good anymore. Suddenly, I found myself walking down that same path in Ningenkai again. Why am I here anyway? My legs had carried me to that familiar place. My memories flowed through my mind as I stood before the giant palm tree. This was one of his favorite places to be during his leisure time.  
  
Hmm... I remembered once when Yusuke made a joke about how impossible it was for he and I get together, of course I just laughed along with them. I have been hiding my feelings from them the whole time. I don't have the courage to tell him how I feel. It's better living without knowing if he feels the same way about me or not, than knowing the hard-to-accept truth. I would always hold on to my last hope. But then again... maybe Yusuke was right, we're not meant to be together. Why haven't I thought of it before?  
  
I leaned against the thick trunk and looked at the dark clouds gathered in the faraway sky. I could tell that it's going to rain soon. Immediately, the rain started pouring down heavily. I hugged myself. It was freezing. I looked down. I wasn't too sure if I'm still crying or not, because I could not distinguish between the drops of rain and my own tears.  
  
Oh, Kami-sama, is there a way for me to get rid of this misery? Please tell me. I don't want to experience this anguish in my heart anymore. I always thought being in love is a wonderful thing, but I was wrong. I hate this...  
  
Is there a way to end this?  
  
I feel so exhausted. My eyelids wouldn't obey my command and stay open. A nap is just what I need.  
  
All I wish right now is to see his handsome face once again when I wake up...  
  
Hiei...

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Enjoyed it? Hated it? Want me to do a sequel? Wait, can there be sequels for one-shotters? 


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